My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
