shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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