yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
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Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
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So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I think my nap took me to another dimension
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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