Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
