Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
