we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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