You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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