my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
