Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
