After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
