Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?