you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled