Texts From Last Night

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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless

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  (702): I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless http://tfl.nu/97sl
  Replies (18) Good night (971) Bad night (2345)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.

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  (201): i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms. http://tfl.nu/0e58
  Replies (8) Good night (4518) Bad night (737)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?

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  (862): I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this? http://tfl.nu/11gl
  Replies (3) Good night (976) Bad night (4082)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.

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  (336): i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow. http://tfl.nu/uyrp
  Replies (17) Good night (2730) Bad night (909)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.

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  (307): These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line. http://tfl.nu/f42j
  Replies (2) Good night (1919) Bad night (704)
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  (626): View more from California

  So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.

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  (626): So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential. http://tfl.nu/3n2i
  Replies (5) Good night (2815) Bad night (719)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.

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  (619): My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine. http://tfl.nu/2kaz
  Replies (5) Good night (1470) Bad night (586)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.

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  (828): YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED. http://tfl.nu/ns1x
  Replies (11) Good night (1931) Bad night (1125)
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  (310): View more from California

  I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"

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  (310): I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me" http://tfl.nu/p6et
  Replies (8) Good night (1736) Bad night (642)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?

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  (870): She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her? http://tfl.nu/qt09
  Replies (3) Good night (1692) Bad night (455)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.

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  (734): It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles. http://tfl.nu/qtkj
  Replies (2) Good night (809) Bad night (382)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year

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  (775): Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year http://tfl.nu/q4wn
  Replies (1) Good night (386) Bad night (528)
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  (760): View more from California

  I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.

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  (760): I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night. http://tfl.nu/o107
  Replies (4) Good night (650) Bad night (378)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK

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  (484): Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK http://tfl.nu/qy4p
  Replies (1) Good night (394) Bad night (417)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.

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  (203): He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes. http://tfl.nu/l5bx
  Replies (7) Good night (456) Bad night (264)

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