Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies