Michael Bay diarrhea
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you inspire me to be a worse person
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit