How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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