I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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