i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.