Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.

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(425): View more from Washington

You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.

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(573): View more from Missouri

Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(540): View more from Virginia

What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?

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(740): View more from Ohio

well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."

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(770): View more from Georgia

If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.

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