Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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