Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...