I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.