Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(803): View more from South Carolina

im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk

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(310): View more from California

you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.

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(330): View more from Ohio

Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"

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(505): View more from New Mexico

There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(540): View more from Virginia

i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing

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(416): View more from Toronto

He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.

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(301): View more from Maryland

My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.

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(773): View more from Illinois

Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?

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(585): View more from New York

You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse

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