i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
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i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
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after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.