I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
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I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
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So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
