Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
