Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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