why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
