we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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