A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
