sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
