Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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