He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
