idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
