yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
