There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
