hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
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you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
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I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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