you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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