My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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