im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
