I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
