I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize