i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
