Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
