6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Too much gin, very little bucket
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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