woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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