Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
