I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
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