Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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