my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Randomize
