I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I heard we made out
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
