omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i now understand why vodka
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
