Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
