Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
