dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
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If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
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No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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