i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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