week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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