My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
