I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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