Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How