A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"