I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
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I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
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I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?