Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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