hotel room ftw
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
