Non-Jews are for practice
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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