lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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