Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
