ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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