3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
