My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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