At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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