she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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