I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
