Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
