I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
